I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
