I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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