wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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