Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
