i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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