I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
