she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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