He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
