Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
