His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
