I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
