Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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