Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
