people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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