I just threw up on my dentist
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
