it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
