I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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