he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
