last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we're making bets on your personal life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize