so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
