I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
