if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
