went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
