my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
