This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
