And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
