I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
