uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
