Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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