dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
