Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
too bad you live with your parents still
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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