she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
