Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Randomize
