I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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