If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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