Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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