I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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