Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
