you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
