Pappa wants mamma naked
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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