kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
