shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
