Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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