best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize