My friends, they love my intelligence
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
