I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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