So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
