I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The adults are the big ones right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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