I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
