i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
