literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
