That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
