I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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