i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
