What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
