I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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