Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
