Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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