If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize