And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
