I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm always down for nudity.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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