he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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