so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
