i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
