Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
