life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've blown a few things in my day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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