My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found the puke drawer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize