SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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