put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
