remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
