remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
