I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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