when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
