How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
