Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
