that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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