She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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