I just threw up on my dentist
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
