my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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