Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
