Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
