I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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