Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
God I need to hump something, right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
