explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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