my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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