Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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