next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize