i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
