I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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