It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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