I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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