You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
