So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
