Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
