I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
