I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
